


The Ninth Step

by Winglesss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Making Up, One Night Stands, One Shot, Past Drug Addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 21:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3993889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winglesss/pseuds/Winglesss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ninth step of Twelve-step program tells you to make amends to people you hurt. For Castiel it means talking to someone he hasn't seen since college.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ninth Step

Dean frowns when the doorbell rings, since he didn’t expect anyone. Still frowning, he opens the door and his breath hitches.

"Hello, Dean." The blue-eyed man says in that trademark deep and husky voice of his, something Dean didn’t manage to forget, even after years of trying.

"Do you remember me?" the man asks as it becomes obvious that Dean isn’t going to answer to the greeting.

Of course he remembers Castiel Novak. They went to college together. Castiel double majored in art and literature if Dean remembers correctly. And he does remember, because he used to be kind of obsessed with the guy. Not that he had a crush on him or anything, he actually hated him. Castiel was annoying, arrogant, pretentious and flamboyant. He was always in the center of attention, so it was hard not to notice him, but Dean seemed to be especially unable to tear his eyes off the giant douchebag. It might have something to do with the fact that Castiel was incredibly hot, with his messy dark hair and colorful tattoos, despite his love for ugly sweaters and the fact that he usually looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

They never actually talked, even though they had a lot of mutual friends (Castiel seemed to simply be friends with _everyone_ in their year). Dean always thought Castiel ignored him because he thought himself too good for someone like Dean and Dean took every opportunity to show that the dislike was mutual.

Then, one day, Castiel showed at Dean’s door announcing that Dean’s roommate was currently fucking Castiel’s roommate in his room, therefore Castiel came to share the room with Dean tonight.

Dean was so dumbstruck he didn’t even protest and iust let the guy in.

They started to chat a few minutes later, to kill the awkward silence. Then Dean suddenly found himself lying on his bed next to the guy he’d hated only a few hours ago, smoking pot.

He finally got why everybody was so charmed by Cas (besides his good looks). He was smart and his own brand of funny. He told Dean a lot of interesting things, about bees and stars and old gods. More importantly, he actually listened when Dean was talking about cars and engineering and Vonnegut. Then he somehow ended up telling him about his fucked up family, his awesome little brother and his struggles to keep his scholarship.

In exchange, Cas told him about a whole bunch of siblings and his religious parents, who had practically disowned him the moment he’d come out as gay.

It wasn’t really a surprise when Cas leaned in and pressed his soft lips to Dean’s. It was a bit surprising when he fucked Dean into the mattress.

It turned to be the best night of Dean’s life.

The real shock came the morning after, when Dean woke up alone. Or maybe not, at that moment Dean still cherished a hope that Cas had had a good reason to leave. That Dean wasn’t just a meaningless fuck for him. That hope was lost the moment they met again and Castiel ignored him.

It hurt. It hurt a lot. Mostly because Dean realized how naive he’d been. He eventually find new friends so he didn’t have to see Cas at all. Until now.

"Of course I remember. What brings you here?" He finally blurts out, after what seems like an eternity of awkward staring.

"I... uhm... I need to talk to you." It’s the first time Dean sees Castiel looking shy.

"Okay. Come in." He leads Cas to the living room and realizes his heart is beating too fast. He takes a deep breath to steady himself, before he offers Cas something to drink.

"Just a glass of water, please."

It’s weird. Dean has no clue what Castiel might want to talk about. How did he even find him?

Dean’s stomach is tied into knots when he returns to the living room with a glass of water. Castiel looks up at him and it’s clear he’s nervous too.

His eyes are as blue and as beautiful as Dean remembers them, but he looks different. First, he’s wearing a simple button up shirt and well-fitting jeans, not the baggy, hippie clothes he used to wear at college. The lines of his tattoos are peaking above the collar of his shirt, though,and he still wears an earring, even though it’s just a decent silver ring rather than long colorful feathers.

"So," Dean breathes, as he places the glass on the coffee table in front of Cas and takes a sit on the couch next to him, "what do you want to talk about?"

Cas rubs the back of his neck self-consciously, then he takes a deep breath and when he looks up, it’s with a determined expression.

"I’m following the 12 steps at narcotics anonymous, and the ninth step requires to make amends to people I hurt because of my addiction." He says it all on one breath as if to prevent himself from backing off.

Dean stares at him with his mouth agape. "You... you’re-"

"A junkie," Castiel nods. "Well, technically an ex-junkie. I’ve been clean for two years now."

Dean feels like he's unable to catch his breath. He knew Cas used to smoke weed and he saw him take something else at a party, once or twice, but a lot of college kids did that.

“I somehow managed to graduate, but then it got worse. I had debts and ended on the street, almost killed myself-“ he trails off with a sigh.

“But I didn´t come to whine about my fucked up past.”

"So you came, because you-" he isn’t able to finish, his thoughts running into too many directions.

"Because I hurt you when I was high."

Whatever he’d expected when Cas showed up at his door, this wasn't it. Castiel came to apologize to him. After so many years. It fills Dean’s chest with so many mixed emotions, he doesn’t know what to say. One part of him is happy that Cas knows he hurt him and wants to make amends, but there’s also disappointment that he does it because some directive for addicts tells him to do so. Most of all, he’s just confused.

Fortunately, he doesn’t have to say anything, because Castiel continues without a prompt.

"That night I came to your room, I was high," he shakes his head when Dean opens his mouth to say something. "I don’t mean the weed. I took something else before I came to your room and then I-" he shuts his eyes and grits his teeth. "And then I got you drunk and gave you the weed and fucked you."

If Dean was taken aback before, now he feels like he was hit by a train.

“So you’re apologizing for fucking me?” he says after another moment of heavy silence.

Castiel nods, his eyes wide and incredibly blue. “For taking advantage of you when you were intoxicated, yes.”

Dean huffs out a mirthless laugh and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Fuck, Cas,” he breathes out, shaking his head.

“I’m so sorry, Dean. I know it was wrong. God, I was so ashamed in the morning and I was too much of a coward to apologize to you.”

Dean looks up and locks his eyes with Castiel’s baby blues. He feels like there’s some strange kind of charge between them, as Dean starts talking with a hint of anger in his voice.

“I was never mad at you for fucking me. Hell, it was one of the best nights of my life. And for fuck’s sake, I would have fucked you even if I had been sober, because I had a big fat gay crush on you since I’d first seen your stupid smug face on the campus!”

Cas’ jaw falls slack. He looks like he forgot how to breathe.

“You did?” he chokes out, “I thought you hated me!”

“No, no, I didn’t, Cas. Not until the day after you slept with me, when you started to ignore me.”

Cas bows his head. “My apology is still relevant then."

Dean sighs. He’s been mad with Cas for all these years, never able to forget, to get over the heartbreak. But seeing Castiel miserable like this, it makes all the anger drain out of him.

He hesitantly places his palm on Castiel’s shoulder, making the guy look up.

 “Yeah, it is and I forgive you.”

“Do you?” There’s hope in Cas’ eyes that makes something in Dean’s chest flutter. When Cas’ tongue darts out to wet his chapped lips, Dean traces the movement with his eyes.

“Yes. You were a stupid asshole, but in a different way than I thought.”

Cas’ face breaks into smile and he shakes his head with a soft chuckle.

“I can’t believe it. I seriously thought you’d never...” He looks Dean in the eyes, his gaze soft. “We could have-“

“Yes we could.”

They stare at each other for a few more breaths, then Cas breaks the moment by clearing his throat.

“I think I should go,” he says getting up.

“So how are you now? Are you doing alright?” Dean asks as he walks him to the door.

“I have a roof over my head and I have a real job, so yes, I think that qualifies as doing alright.” His smile is contagious, Dean can’t keep his lips from curling up.

“If you ever need something, you know where I live.”

“Thanks, Dean.”

“I’m serious. Even if you just want to talk, call me.”

Cas’ smile is more subtle now, softer, but still warm. “I would if I had your number,” he says, almost bashfully.

“Oh, you’re right! Wait a moment.”

He trots into the kitchen and comes back a minute later, handing Cas a piece of paper.

“Thank you,” Cas breathes out as he takes it from him.

“Don’t lose it."

“I won’t”

There’s silence again, but it’s far from awkward. Dean knows they’re stalling. It doesn’t feel right to part so fast after all those years. After they just finally clarified what had happened.

“Good luck with your next steps,” Dean says eventually.

“Thank you. It’s gonna be easier, now that I got over the most terrifying one.”

Dean smiles, feeling a bit dizzy from the intensity of Castiel’s eyes on him. The memories of their night together are gushing into his mind and he knows he’s just a step away from doing something stupid.

“Okay. Good bye, Cas,” he says, even though he doesn’t really want to, scared it will take years before he sees him again.

He’s closing the door when Cas’ soft voice stops him and makes his heart stammer.

“See you, Dean.” 

 

 


End file.
